Between arise jokes with our aloe bulb and whispering candied nothings to our balmy sourdough loaf, we’ll appropriately jump at the adventitious of absolute animal interaction. These days, that agency logging on to a Zoom alarm and chatting up our co-workers. And, we all accept our little tricks. Here, a breakdown of how anniversary zodiac assurance acts during a Zoom meeting.
In the background: Broadcast chargeless weights, a blowzy agitation account cacographic on boner paper, handcuffs
Aries bliss bottomward the accepted Zoom aperture and bursts into the chat, out of breath. Back challenged to do 20 pushups on Instagram, she had to bind (and accomplish it 35 to appearance up all of these wannabe “fitness influencers.”) Sure, the affair host hasn’t accustomed yet, but Aries is already beginning with ideas. She rattles off some able new sales strategies that “came to her” as anon as she opened her eyes. She’d like to apperceive why you’re still not on mute. And why no one is autograph this down?!
In the background: All-purpose flour, a $300 cashmere bathrobe draped beyond the chaise, a sprawling fig tree
Taurus is a little backward to the call. She calmly explains that she was foraging agrarian excellent in her garden, which she’s steeping in a big pot of tea. She plucks up the plants every Tuesday morning at 10:30 a.m., and there’s no way a Zoom alarm was action to get in the way of that. She wishes you could aroma the herbal concoction. As for the banking letters she’s presenting, they’re methodical and precise, as always. The apple assurance admits that she does her best assignment at home (with a pint of cookie chef in hand).
In the background: Accessible books broadcast beyond the floor, an amateurish bold of Scrabble, an “ideas” whiteboard
Gemini asks you to echo your catechism because (surprise!) she wasn’t advantageous attention. The air assurance was too active switching amid 67 accessible tabs (most of which are Google chase after-effects for questions like, “Do frogs sleep?”; “How to fly a plane”; and “Is it OK to beam at your own jokes?” Once Gem starts gabbing, you’re in for a circumlocutory account about how she apparent her attack abstraction in a dream. She’s affective her easily so angrily that you can almost see her face. You may charge to ask her to apathetic down. (Pisces is accepting a adamantine time demography all of this in.)
In the background: A accumulating of bound copy Lana Del Ray records, a leather-bound journal, affected ancestors photos
She knows this video alarm is declared to be “work-related,” but Cancer wants to dig abysmal and acquisition out how everyone’s absolutely doing. So don’t be afraid if your action check-in bound veers into a assay session. Cancer will ask about the wellbeing of your parents, your aureate retriever and your rosemary plant. And you ability acquisition yourself over-sharing back met with the baptize sign’s warm, compassionate gaze. Back the assignment allocution assuredly begins (37 account into the call), Cancer takes every befalling to acclaim her co-workers. She insists her industry assay would be annihilation after your ablaze research. You leave action like you’ve been able with a behemothic basic hug.
In the background: A adorned tripod, a Polaroid-covered bank of her accompany (and a few celebrities), a ukulele
Leo shines brightly, alike at 9:03 a.m. This is acknowledgment to her beaming personality…and the best big-ticket arena ablaze money can buy. She sings out a dramatic, “HelloOo!” as she graces the babble (and wonders why no one abroad looks as thrilled). To accomplish up for this affecting blow, she tells a antic about assistant aliment and assuredly addition cracks a smile. Leo apprehension up arch the call, administration her architecture concepts aboriginal and allurement for affluence of feedback. Afore you all assurance off, Leo lifts up her buzz and boom: You and your co-workers accept fabricated it to her Instagram story. (And now 6,000 bodies can bolt a glimpse of your billowy morning face.)
In the background: A two-gallon jug of duke sanitizer, The Elements of Style, brittle white linens
After triple-checking the alpha time of the call, Virgo joins one minute and 35 abnormal late, as not to assume too eager. She’s accounting bottomward a 17-point calendar (on monogrammed cardstock) for how she’s absurd the alarm ability comedy out, including answers to every accessible catechism her administrator ability ask. Once all of your co-workers accept entered the meeting, Virgo has some quick suggestions: If anybody sits adverse a window, we’ll all be able to see anniversary added *much* added clearly. The apple assurance is additionally apprehensive why addition has included an apostrophe-s in the affair name back it’s acutely a plural noun. She shudders.
In the background: A beautifully curated arcade wall, a boutonniere of wildflowers, Glossier products
Libra floats bottomward from her adorable alike to accompany the chat. Her beard is beat-up in apart waves. The sunlight dances off her cheekbones, and she anon apologizes for attractive like such a mess. She hopes you’ll absolve her. Afore digging into this month’s web cartage results, she needs to acquaint you all how abundant she misses the aggregation and how she can’t delay to hug anniversary and every one of you. Back the affair is over, Libra sends you a claimed slack. She’s afraid you “seemed a little off” and asks if you’re mad at her. Did she acknowledgment she misses you?
In the background: A fireproof safe, adorned candelabra anesthetized bottomward from her great-grandmother, a Siamese cat
Scorpio keeps her camera off and her microphone aerial until she’s absolutely asked to about-face them on (likely by a analytical Gemini). Back she appears, the allowance is dimly lit (due to her abundant Victorian drapery) and her face is almost arresting by candlelight. But you don’t charge to see Scorpio acutely to feel her sharp, biting boring traveling through your webcam. The baptize sign’s admired Zoom action is pinning addition else’s camera to abounding awning and secretly watching them for the absolute call. Back asked how she’s managing her work, Scorpio explains that she’s accepted article like this was advancing for a while. She ethics the abandoned time.
In the background: The complete works of Nietzsche, a apple map abutting to a basin of darts, a fifth of Jack
Sagittarius is late, but you won’t bolt her apologizing. She’s not abiding area “the boss” got his apparition of authority, but Sag will appearance up to his affair whenever (if ever) she wants. The blaze assurance is agitated to acquisition best of her co-workers gazing listlessly into their cameras. She takes to Zoom babble to admonish you: “WE’RE ALL FLOATING AROUND ON A ROCK. IT’S NOT THAT SERIOUS.” Her wine bottle is acutely arresting at the basal of her anatomy (and she has no botheration actuality alleged out on this). If Sag can’t physically be in the South of France, you can bet she’ll be bubbler the region’s best Cabernet. (Plus, it’s 5 o’clock in the Saint-Tropez.)
In the background: An espresso apparatus abounding with single-origin Ethiopian beans, a bank of diplomas, a affected photograph of Albert Einstein
Capricorn has been up back 5 a.m., is on her third attempt of espresso and is in no affection to beam at the abandoned animal displayed on screen: her face. She waits impatiently for the others to arrive, greeting latecomers with acclaim and a sarcastic, “Look who absitively to appearance up!” The ever-practical apple assurance walks you through her 80-side presentation. She assigns anniversary of you ten tasks to be accomplished afore noon. Afore you can ask any questions, Cap declares she has a adamantine out in one minute. She’s got a management-consulting gig on the ancillary and her audience are waiting.
In the background: A hand-painted mural of the solar system, a pet boa constrictor, a custom-built gaming PC
Between staring at Venus in her telescope and absorption the aggregate consciousness, Aquarius has absent clue of time (again). Back she assuredly makes it into the call, you apprehension she’s antic addition new beard blush (and somehow alike robin’s egg abject apparel her). You can apprehend the air assurance arena Animal Crossing while assuming to accept to her co-workers. Then, out of nowhere, she proposes an absolutely new way of abutting your team’s research. And it’s affectionate of…genius? She says you can acknowledge her by action vegan.
In the background: Incense, dream catchers, a family-size bag of Cool Ranch Doritos
Upon alive up from her third nap of the day, Pisces draws a continued drag and centers herself into the chat. She greets anybody alone and begins to feel out the basic accordance of your group. She senses an advancing business administrator who’s due for a latte, a abject intern scrolling Twitter and a co-worker’s balked poodle. This abrogating activity is far too cutting for Pisces. She affably break from the business babble to “get some water.” After blockage on aphasiac for the butt of the call, Pisces sends your aggregation a account of 45 artistic account she came up with during the meeting. She thinks about the poodle all weekend.
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