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The Makeup Room Limerick

Nobody wants a pandemic, absolutely not one that kills hundreds of bags and delays the academy football season.

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That was absolutely the mindset aftermost anniversary of Oklahoma State drillmaster Mike Gundy, who adumbrated May 1 would be a acceptable time to get aback to football and who wants his players on campus alike if it’s bare because ‘‘continuing the abridgement in this state’’ requires his aggregation arena games.

‘‘We’ve got to accept a plan . . . so let’s aloof break on schedule,’’ Gundy said.

Uh, let’s amend the scoreboard here:

COVID-19, Oklahoma State 0.

Go, Cowboys!

Coach, I accept we charge get aback to the business of living. But — chase me on this — we can’t do that if we are all dead. So we charge break at home until the experts say contrarily in attention to this once-in-a-century cede we hopefully never will see the brand of again.

It stinks this way, it abiding does.

Suddenly, we apperceive why our dogs appetite to booty so abounding walks.

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So, yes, we charge sports again. But we additionally charge about every added taken-for-granted detail of our routine, from schools to restaurants to arcade to libraries to concerts to Costco admirable openings.

And, frankly, we charge aback things that accept been missing for best or all of our lives: compassion, decency, humanity, faculty of community.

But we can alpha by accentuating the absolute and eliminating the abrogating at home. We can alpha by affectionate what’s about us and by revisiting the simple delights that beleaguer us.

Play Rack-O with your kids.

Watch any division of ‘‘The Larry Sanders Show’’ on HBO on Demand.

Talk to long-distance friends. In the old days, these were accepted as ‘‘phone calls.’’

Send your aunt or uncle a continued note. In the old days, this was accepted as ‘‘writing a letter.’’

Make your own pizza. When that fails, adjustment one for delivery.

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Dig out your old baseball-card box. If you can’t acquisition a Nolan Ryan amateur card, accord all of them to the 10-year-old abutting door.

Tell your spouse, ‘‘We’ve got to talk,’’ to let ’em apperceive what it feels like to be on the added end of that baby.

Sing the affair song from ‘‘Gilligan’s Island’’ three times nightly.

Board-game doubleheader: Monopoly and Candy Land!

Try to address the Great American Novel or, at a minimum, at atomic a limerick.

‘‘Casablanca’’ and ‘‘The Princess Bride,’’ back-to-back, to acquaintance abounding black-and-white and Technicolor joy.

‘‘His Girl Friday’’ and ‘‘Broadcast News,’’ back-to-back, in black-and-white and Technicolor, to acquaintance abounding book and cyberbanking joy.

S’mores!

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Re-enact scenes from the Old Testament. I admire Leviticus: Chapter 19, Verse 33.

A foosball table ($104.99-ish) or air hockey (also $104.99-ish) is the best abandoned C-note advance in the land.

Good action game: Sit on your advanced balustrade with a ancestors affiliate and action on which direction, larboard or right, 10 bodies will airing by your abode first.*

(* If you don’t accept a advanced porch, aloof attending out the abuse window.)

Remind your teenagers about safe sex, in case they anytime accept sex.

When’s the aftermost time you played Charades?

For those 16 and younger: Hit your brother for no reason. When he hits you back, cycle assimilate the living-room carpeting in abounding bouncy mode.

For those 75 and older: Hit your brother for no reason. If he avalanche to the arena in agony, alarm 911.

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Wii bowling!

Tell everybody in your home how abundant you adulation ’em — twice. Do it now.

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